b simmons langley

At some point, in order for me to do this, Iapos;m going to have to get over my paranoia that someoneapos;s gonna figure out who I am.� If I donapos;t, Iapos;ll never say what Iapos;d say otherwise.� Unless my husband accessed this.� Though I guess that wouldnapos;t be so bad, since I donapos;t exactly have anything that he either A: doesnapos;t already know, or B: hasnapos;t already quietly figured out over the years.� That and I have some weird thing about talking to people.� I always feel like such a moron, for lack of a better term.� Thatapos;s probably because I am...� Then again, Iapos;m not really talking to anyone.� Yet.� I digress.

Over the years, the plethora of psychiatrists Iapos;ve seen have all suggested I keep a journal.� Iapos;ve never much been interested in the idea, always found it rather silly.� However, here recently Iapos;ve begun to feel ever more closed in and alone.� I know, poor pitiful me.� Weapos;ll stay clear of my apos;diagnosisapos;, axis this and axis that.� It seems everyone has one or two or three these days, and are flung about like itapos;s some kind of diamond encrusted badge that everyone just *has to see* because itapos;s so critical of just how special you are.

I appear to be rambling.� Never could pinpoint a... Point.

At any rate.� Back to the whole closed-in thing.� I have no friends.� Literally.� I did have a friend, a few years back, but turns out she was absolutely diabolical in her maniacal manipulations and pathological lies.� Of course on some level I knew this - but I loved her.� Anyway.� It did not end well.� So I guess I got burned, to say the least, and canapos;t bring myself to so much as make small-talk with someone.� Except I really miss having a friend like that.� Without the whole crazy-psycho-bitch-whore bit.� Talk about jacked-up, boy, sheapos;s it.� Takes the whole damned buffet.� Sapos;ok, one day her own shit will eat her alive, and Iapos;ll be watching when it does.

See, for the most part, Iapos;m a nice crazy.� Never said I couldnapos;t be painfully blunt and potentially offensive.� Mayhaps thatapos;s why I donapos;t have any friends.� Boo-hoo.� Ha.� Ha.� Haa...

Bah.� Back to whatever I was trying to get to.

My husband and I have been together for 11 years, married for 5, and thereapos;s not another being in this whole shibang that could possibly know more about me (and so on and so forth) than he does.� That does not mean that he can relate to me, or with me, on some points.

I suppose thatapos;s what Iapos;m here and looking for.

So, it is, how you say on the playground in kindergarten...

Will you be my friend?

Fuck shame.
�

flower international mother 's day, b simmons langley, b simmons estate agents, b simmons estate agent, b simmons and sons, b simmons and son.